Title: Pride Day 2: The Return of Stark Manley
Author: mrs260
Series: DS9
Rating: PG
Codes: G/B, humour, challenge response
Challenge answered: Garak wrapped in a feather boa and a barely clad
cage-dancing Bashir singing "I'm too sexy for my Trill."
Summary: Sequel to "The Adventures of Stark Manley." Stark and the Pride
Committee want Garak and Bashir to perform on Karaoke Night.
Warning: contains song lyrics and a blatant Marky Sue.
Disclaimer: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine is the property of Paramount.
This story, written in 2002, never has been and never will be sold.
Feedback: Any and all. Criticism welcome.
Pride Day 2: The Return of Stark Manley
by mrs260
Stark Manley, dedicated Pride Committee volunteer, headed into work with an evil plan.
"Hi, Garak!"
Garak looked up from his work for a moment and smiled. "Good morning, my dear boy! How was your meeting last night?"
"It was good! We've decided to go with more than just a dance this year, since we have more people involved. And we have more lesbians this year, so we can actually get stuff done."
"I'm sure Dr. Bashir will want to enjoy the festivities."
Stark turned away from Garak's cutting table, counting fabric bolts and watching in the mirror for any sign of suspicion. "What about you? It's going to be your anniversary, so you'll be coming too, right?"
"So the Doctor tells me."
"I was sort of wondering... actually, we were wondering, if you and Dr. Bashir would like to do a thing?"
Garak set down his cutting laser and sighed. "My dear boy, what have I told you about clarity?" he chided.
Stark winced. "Sorry. We've planned a karaoke party before the dance. I know it sounds totally tacky, but we can throw in a few feather boas and stuff and call it campy. Anyway, it'll be really fun. We've even got a disco ball, and all the music will be traditional, and..." He faltered as he noticed that Garak was staring at him, looking thoroughly bemused. "You know. Fun!"
Garak blinked slowly. "I see."
"Anyway, M'rk and St'v and Bubba are already doing a big Priscilla number -- they'll probably be in today to order their costumes, which I don't have to tell you will be totally fabulous even though we'll both go blind sewing sequins -- and I was saying to the committee people that maybe you and Dr. Bashir might like to do the Right Said Fred number. With Dr. Bashir being British..." Stark took a deep breath, reached for the see-through gold stretch fabric, put on his flightiest, most innocent expression, and turned to execute the crucial part of the plan. "You'd have to make him a g-string, though... do you think this would be a good fabric for a g-string?"
Garak blinked twice, and a slow smile crept over his face. "I see..."
"I..." Dr. Bashir looked thoroughly flummoxed. "I'm not much of a singer..."
Stark waved a hand dismissively. "So? Neither was Right Said Fred! You're perfect!"
Bashir shot a look at Garak. "And how would you be involved in this little performance, darling?" he asked through a tight smile.
"Ah. Well, we hadn't quite considered that yet."
An eerie gleam entered Bashir's eyes. "We are to go traditional, right Stark?"
"Totally."
"I'm picturing semi-Rocky Horror drag: fishnets, heels, panties, a feather boa, and painted scales."
Stark could barely restrain himself from bouncing in his chair. "That would be so fabulous! And it would totally go with your g-string!"
Now it was Garak's eyes that were gleaming. "Yes, dear. It will go with your g-string."
Garak cruelly relegated all the sequin-sewing to Stark, who did indeed feel like his eyes were going to fall out by the time the Pride Day arrived. Ezri laughed at him when he told her how evil Garak was, but Dr. Bashir was nice and gave him some eyedrops.
The karaoke went well: Ezri and Leeta did a number from Grease, Rom insisted upon the non-traditional "The Lady Is A Tramp," since he already knew the words, and Bubba, M'rk, and St'v were truly great in an elaborate ABBA number from Priscilla.
Then it was time for Elim Garak and Dr. Julian Bashir's Anniversary Surprise Spectacular. Even Stark hadn't been informed of all the details.
The extended intro to Right Said Fred's music played, and Garak, naked except for panties with garters, stockings, heels, and a boa, wheeled in a gold cage. Bashir was inside, dressed in a ratty white t-shirt and grungy cutoff jeans, looking like a rent boy.
"Cool, a cage!" Ezri whispered.
"Shh!"
Garak prodded Bashir through the bars, and Bashir began to sing.
"I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt
Too Sexy For My Shirt
So Sexy It Hurts..."
Garak ripped off the t-shirt, then stroked Bashir's exposed chest. Bashir leaned close to him and sang,
"And I'm Too Sexy For My Pants
Too Sexy For My Pants
Sooo Sexy!"
Bashir's trousers went, leaving him in nothing but a gold lame g-string. He stood firm, gripping the cage bars, and sang with mock defiance at Garak and the cheering audience.
"I'm Too Sexy For Your Party
Too Sexy For Your Party
No Way I'm Disco Dancing!"
Ezri laughed and hollered, "Dance, thong boy!" Bashir raised an aloof eyebrow, and started to writhe within the confines of his cage, leaning down to lightly stroke Garak's painted blue neck scales.
"I'm A Model, Ya Know What I Mean
And I Do My Little Turn On The Catwalk
Yeah On The Catwalk
On The Catwalk Yeah
I Do My Little Turn On The Catwalk
Too Sexy For My
Too Sexy For My
Too Sexy For My
I'm A Model, Ya Know What I Mean
And I Do My Little Turn On The Catwalk
Yeah On The Catwalk
Yeah On The Catwalk Yeah
I Shake My Little Tush On The Catwalk!"
After the obligatory tush-shake, Bashir grinned over his shoulder at Ezri and wiggled his eyebrows at her:
"I'm Too Sexy For My Trill
Too Sexy For My Trill
Poor Ezri
Poor Ezri Dax..."
Ezri stuck her tongue out at him. "You wish!"
"I'm Too Sexy For My Love
Too Sexy For My Love
Love's Going To Leave Me
And I'm Too Sexy For This Song!"
The lights went down completely, then up to normal levels. Garak opened the cage, and kissed Bashir's hand as he helped him out. Bashir bowed, Garak curtsied, and a nameless drone wheeled the cage out of the room. Crewmen began setting the room up for the dance proper, moving tables and chairs towards the walls, and more station residents began drifting in.
"That was so great!" Stark enthused.
"He can't dance worth anything, but he does look great with barely any clothes on," Ezri commented.
"Is that your evil heterosexual side talking, Daxie?"
"Ick! Shut up!"
Stark giggled and stepped away when she tried to shove him. "Hey, have you seen Odo?"
"Last I saw he was with Kira. I think he was going for a Riff Raff thing, and she was Columbia."
Stark looked around. "I see Columbia, but I don't see Riff Raff." Sitting next to Kira was a woman who looked exactly like Patricia Quinn as Magenta, and they were making out. "Who's that?"
"Wow," Ezri said. "He's becoming a really good shapeshifter."
"Rats. I'm going to have to find another guy to have sex with."
Ezri smiled. "I know just who you need, Stark. Hey, Martok!"
END
mrs260
Attribution: song lyrics from "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred, excerpted and slightly adapted. Used without permission in a work of satire.